MEMOIR

Iam feeling down , low and some uneasiness is there in me and my heart is heavy .....Dull, Iam talking less , Infact at a point of time I even had to control the tear drops that were eager to come out of my eyes. Life is indeed the best teacher , and one always needs to be alert .I have not insured my parents and now Iam running around to get the things done , so that I can be
financially secure. I know that GOD is there with me taking me through the times , and providing me with all thats necessary , but as a human Iam doing my best .

My anger levels have increased because of the things that are happening in company , with some friends and Iam not sure when I will burst out and where I will burst out. I hope I can control and I know I can. At the same time there is also some insecurity feeling iam feeling in my life. There is this lack of achievement feeling thats actually troubling me . I feel I have not achieved anything and I have lots to go and achieve and I want to do lots.

Something is lacking in my life and I want to figure it out before it gets late. I need to give
more thought to it and take it more seriously. God take care of my Dads health , He has been working hard all the time for us , give him the strenght so that he can take it whats going on .Give him good health and make him more happy.

Iam here ready to anything that makes my mom and dad happy . I have lots of things in my mind , Get them here as early as possible , If not completely atleast during the summers. I am lacking from Financial side. Its like this "When it rains it pours". I know I can handle all this and GOD had provided timely help from all sides and waiting to get from some more sources. All I want now is to make my parents happy and get them here and make them stay with me and reduce their burden. Little time and all will be well. I havent told anything to my bro and Iam feeling sad that Iam not able to send him some extra money. I have missed out one and half months salary in my previous company and that is turning to be the crucial part now.

It was just few months back I had taken financial help from my friends , I am more free and frank and all that but when it comes to asking something for myself (especially financial Matters) Iam different . I always would only like to give , but I need to take also. But asking them again and I cant do it . Iam already controling muy expenditure, Just an year if I cut down all my expenses I can get some financial stability . Iam gonna do that. Its responsibilities that teaches and Iam no more a kid and I need to take care of that.

Iam more sensitive than what world percieves me . May be I have portrayed myself that way. Iam strong ,I have strenghth but doesnt mean I cant be sensitive. Iam just trying to be active and be myself , Iam telling myself that everything is gonna be alright and Iam sure GOD is there with me .

Chuttu cheekati unna mila mila merupai velugutu
Kodanduni krupa to Jeevana sagaranni eedutu
......chirunavvunu panchu chiranjeeve Nijamaina Jeevi

"When the Darkness surrounds shining like a lightining , Crossing the Ocean of Life with the Lords Grace ,Spreading the Smiles , He is the True BEING"

Just picked up the cash from ATM counter , checked the balance Rs 980 to be more precise. Friday evening the plan was all set , Its to go to one of my colleagues house , rent a DVD and watch it with chips and coke . Faso, Vijay , VC and PP(thats me they prefer calling me PP than PV) had a real good time from Thursday , The plan was made atleast three days in advance , and on the Thursday when Vijay told we should go out some where as he was getting bored , we had walked down to ITPL cracking lots of jokes , had a juice and walked back. Now the plan was all set and just before going to VC's house I decided to call home.

Spoke with mom , and she told that in the diagnostics done for my dad on his heart ,they said a Baloon blast Angioplastic was necessary . (On a casual advice of doctor my dad got his tests done ). I thought it was all normal and its just a routine test. Now it doesnt look like that. Just gave strength with my words to Mom and enquired abt the cost of it , Its gonna cost more than a LAKH. I told mom not to worry abt the money at all and I can get how many ever lakhs required . Told mom to have faith and believe in me . She says , so much responsibility for me at a small age .

Now I didnt have any mood for chilling out on a friday afternoon. Just found out what
Angioplasty is all about from FAso , Vijay and VC (BTW all three are Bio medical ENgineers). Little relived that its natural with the age and just needs to take care and with technology's advancements its a simple simple task. I cant say I have no mood and spoil the day ,I mean night and I was not in a mood to ENjoi and dullness sat inside me . Mentally decided that let me not spoil their night , told that lets go party , and when asked whether Iam in a position to drive I said I can and went ahead. I was not my natural self , How can I be ???? But was cracking few jokes abt office and our team lead .

Slept few Hrs , couldnt sleep more and got up started thinking abt the money arrangement. I know its a tough task , just calculated all the steps I will be taking , Mentally prepared myself . Dear God , I know as long as you are with me I know there is a solution were every question . I know u will always be with me , Even now Iam not pretty clear of all the steps I need to take , but I know GOD u will take me by Hand and lead me through this path of life. Iam not the kind to leave everything to GOD or Blame GOD ... I give my best shot at it , and when PV gives his best shot he will sure come out with a solution .

I dont know God I was feeling guilty , reason I dont know , May be I feel Iam just having Fun and Fun around and forgetting that Iam actually ina position to help few people and Iam not doing it. These days I dont read news papers also because the natural calamities are at its rise , and I dont know I cant take all that . Am I running away from reality ??? No Iam not running away from reality, I do live in reality , just thinking how better I can be in reality. (At this point I felt like calling my mom and called and spoke with her. She worrys alot. Need to speak with dad and plan out the details and other things .)

God , Give me the strength and show me the way. Teach me the meaning of life ..... Take me by hand and lead me all the way ...........

Iam happy for I feel I have come a long way ....Infact a long long way by Gods grace ..... God teaches lessons in different ways and one needs to learn it ....I just cant imagine Iam the same guy who didnt speak with KV (One of my close friends) for more than 2 years for some silly fact and mistake did lie on my side . And today some body called me "I Under Estimate People" .... Talked abt my Attitude ... Believe me Nobody ever pointed abt my Attitude , People said I was wrong , People said Iam Crazy , but "Attitude " a lil big word and I say sorry and accept that I made a mistake .I have no issues accepting my mistakes if I feel its a mistake , or majority feels its a mistake (after all its democracy ).

But today was really bad day ..... It was Saka who got hurt at the start , and next came those strong comments .... In my comment in CHIPS blog I called her "Female Entity" .... Oh Lord Ganesha I didnt listen to the story which Iam supposed to on Ganesha CHaturdi , and didnt Pray to you on that day ... but I didnt even see moon too .... but Ganesha ye kya kar diya tu ne ..... Ok no probs , Lifes Like that .....

I was upset , got angry , felt irritated , drank lot of coffee ..... Its long time since I got
angry on somebody , My mom says that "My eldest son doesnt get angry at all" ..... May be she is wrong ...... When iam angry my face becomes serious , Eyes go inside , no smile on my lips ....(My group noticed this and asked me what happened ????) ... I think in most idiotic ways that time ... Will only think of How to take revenge .... But it just takes only a lil time to come back to reality (All I need is to speak to some body and thanx to HIM for listening all my crap ) and even today took some time , but there is so much to life ....


I should feel bad only when majority points at me and say "I under estimate people " or talk abt "My attitude" .... Just one person statements I cant take it seriously ..... But when one person can make others too can make , I need to introspect , People Called me "I over estimate myself" ... Thats fine for "If any one asks Can u climb everest " I say Yes I can ..


(Talking to Myself) Its Ok PV , just make sure that u dont take drastic decisions and do some actions that can hurt others when u r hurt . Just remember how much ever u r Hurt ur actions will also hurt others , AN EYe for an Eye make WHole world Blind , so just be clear on ur Aim ... Always want others to be happy .... Never want to Loose a Friend ....

...... ..... BOND 007 ko bullet lagaa ....

Kuch din ke phele doste yeh baat huyi thi
Hum ko bhi Mohobbat kisi ke saath huyi thi

I saw my ThunderBolt ...Yes Yes , May be after some 6 years I saw somebody who struck right at the point . She was wearing a sky blue chudidhar and was sitting infront of her lunch and having with a cute smile on her lips . I bet nobody would have noticed that smile . I believe in this principle of Physics called resonance. Once energy levels increase only when he is in the arena of the same energy and frequency people. I could feel the difference the moment I went near her. I can bet the world doesnt call her beautiful (For In reality she is not that great ....), beauty alone doesnt strike me . Its something which I cant explain , cant put in words ..Its like the principle of Resonance , You resonate only to people of your own frequecy.

I asked myself PV whats happening to you ??? I am a kind who never says somebody is good , who ever it is .... But some how something , I cant say what it is but it brings a smile on my lips , makes me feel bad as I take eyes away from her ... That emptiness was never filled in me , Body temperature came down and a shiver ran from my legs to the body ,some kind of different feeling . Iam surprisesd at myself because I got the feeling of loosing , some kind of emptiness and more than that same feeling is continuing for more than a day . But no such things like sleeplessness or dreaming about her as shown in movies. But I have lost some thing may be my heart.... She put me in that dull feeling , and at times the songs Iam playing while reading are adding fuel to this fire and I dont know whats happening to me.

Managed to see her Name on her Badge and nothing more than that. Iam very bad at breaking the ice at the beginning. I want to go and talk to her (I usually say i care a Damn whether anybody talks to me or not , anybody sees me or not). But now I want her to see me (Why ???? I dont Know) . I dont know anything about her , she can be totally opposite of me ,but something says that she is a good girl (Dont ask me what makes me feel that ..???) , some thing attracts me to her ... For me she is not like others whom I look at or frankly say sight at, or on whom I comment , or on whom I joke and say "she is hot".No I cant make myself Comment on her ,or say she is yet another girl wom I have seen. That sweet pain is there.

God ! I Know what love is , for with out my moms love I could nt hve been on earth, without my friends love I couldnt hve lived, without GODS love , where do I exist .I know brotherly love, a love of a younger sister . But I have never experienced that romantic love . The world might call me foolish if I say I fell in Love with that Girl .... I care damn abt the world , I feel that way and I feel it from my heart. Iam not even sure whether I even will get a chance to talk to her , but I will do my best to get in contact with her and God I know u were always with me.

I believe that TRUE love doesnt need words or any other medium to communicate, I Know mine is pure and what ever I do it comes straight from my heart , I have a gut feeling that she also felt the same when she saw me .... Lets see what happens further ..........

My Heart it Speaks Thousand words , I fell eternal Bliss
Roses Spout Scarlet mount offering a Kiss
No drop of Rain No glowing flame has ever been so new
If feel in Love Can feel like this Iam in Love for Sure .......

Nagme Hain Shikve hain hisse hain baate hain
Baate Bhool jaate hai ..... yaadein yaad ati hai ......

Q) What does a Malayali call the SAMBAR made by a Tamilian in a Telgu Friends House ?
A) Takali Chutney .

After a long search for the proper gift , I cornered the Dairy that had art work covers on
both sides as a gift for deepak .Picked up the gift and my heavy bag behind and went to catch up with chandu . I and chandu picked up the cake from sweet chariot and left for his Home . Landed in his home and Deepak was the first guy to call . Chandu went to pick him up and prasads arrival was coincided with that so Chandu could pickup both of them at the same time. So four of us in chandus house and kuku was yet to arrive. Prasad and deepak wewre eager to cut the onions and aloos. Me being little experienced in cutting taught them technically how to cut. Prasad was really eager to cut them . I and deepak had a little discussion on why by keeping knife at 90 degrees its difficult to cut and easier when its at 45 degrees.... When we were abt to finish cutting Kuku called and Chandu went to pick her up. As it was raining outside I guess she got herself little wet in rain. I was laughing and yapping with prasad and deepak. Chandu was inside kitchen . No light in the kitchen so instead of having a candle light dinner we had candle light cooking.

Too Many cooks spoil the broth. So i being the most exp. in cooking out of all ( I guess so
, 10 months exp I have in cooking variety of dishes with few patentewd dishes) wanted to give chance to the eager young guns in cooking . so I kept myself out of kitchen . Kuku was little silent , Its always very easy to find the smile that comes naturally and a forced smile . I saw that forced smile on her when I said something , so I knew something was wrong . But with girls its always difficult (at times dangerous too) to ask whats the matter. So didnt ask anything continued chatting with prasad when deepak , kuku and chandu were cooking inside the kitchen. Had some serious discussion with prasad in the hall.Inbetween I and prasad happened to go nside the kitchen and Takali Chutney was coined by prasad by looking at the Sambar prepared by kuku and chandu . Few statements made by Chandu , directly took my murky brain to their double meaning , I guess deepak and kuku couldnt understand that . (I was really happy for that ....). Yes the dinner is ready now. All set aloo curry (with extra Garlic ....) Takali Chutney ...rrr Sambar (with extra Tamrind ).

It was noe time for us to reveal the occassion and the aim of the meet. Somehow deepaks Bday date skipped our minds and we forgot to wish him... (It was Neels who reminded that we missed his Bday ....) , so the cake was out and a Bday song (Belate Bday song ) was in the air . Then we smeared the cake on deepaks face . It was bit difficult for deepak to wash his face even after usiong a soap and a shampoo. We gave him the gift , including me everybody was eager to know what the gift was I guess. We saw the gift and i realised that I got cheated by the shop wala. This was one of the very few gifts I bought for anybody . I dont have habit of giving gifts, I only take them . Atlast i got my Bday gift from Chandu .. It was a horse ... I liked it ....

Now food in our plates , I was really Njoing all the time , Depak was really Njoing the
Tamrind full Sambar ..rrr takali chutney .... I liked curry , sambar was not upto the mark... but ok as these are inexperienced souls I can accept their dishes. I dont remember what we spole while eating ... does any body remember , I remember that much that Kuku didnt speak , prasad was extremely silent .... that left me , deepak and Chandu ... I was all Njoing , after all we all got together only to Have fun and share our joys and sorrows among each other , to reiterate that we are for each other .....

Theres lot more ..... will come as part 2....

I need to mention some feeling which I got for the second time , Its like this , that I might be no more after an year ... yes death is something thats really scary. So imagine yourself that you might not be there and meet your friends and anyone on earth after an year , sure it brings few tear drops in eyes , and thats what I guess happened with me. Who Knows how long I can be on earth ... May be a day , a year , 10 years ,or 100 more years ... One never knows whats gonna happen ... I want to be happy and make others happy as long as I live and may be thats the reason for my senti mood today and the senti mails which i wrote to all my friends ... I told my friend also but they just brushed it aside saying that dont give a damn to this feeling .... Iam not afraid of death , for death is certain , Iam afraid of missing all the fun I am having with all the people in my life ,Parents , School mates , college friends , cousins, Batchmates , blog friends ...... Njoi the life as much as you can ..... Smile and share ur smile with others .... who knows KAL HO NA HO ..... But I guess all my friends remember me and all the fun we had , all my jokes , all my acts , pranks and franks .........

6:10 PM :-
With the flock of birds returning to thier homes before the sun sets completely , I also started to my House from my office. The railway gate on the way stopped my zooming bike and Had to wait for Half an hour.The scene was so beautiful , its a perfect village setting , workers going back to their homes , people going in groups and chatting about the ways of life , Groundnut wala selling groundNuts , people selling corn , a cow tring to walk through the traffic struck at Railway gate , It was lovely to stay there looking at surroundings for half an hour waiting for the 4 trains to pass by.

6:10 PM :-
Nonsense , this railway gate always falls just before I am trying to cross, Oh , God these villagers smoke all the time and with their dirty dresses walk past , not 5 min or 10 min the gate will be open only after 4 trains pass that is approximately around 30 mins ... what the hell is it ..??? Cant there be an over bridge , its irritating ....

8:15 PM :-
Wow , I can cut these vegetables so well , my wife is gonna be really lucky ... I like cutting vegetables , Onions , Tomatos cut nicely all ready for the Bachelors dish (i.e Noodles) ... After washing few utensils it was all set to make the dish ....

8:15 PM :-
Oh ! My God this lady servant always bunks , she didnt come today also , all utensils are there unwashed , nothing is in its place , the house is not swept, How Iam gonna cook now , I need to wash utensils , BULL SHIT

You make your day ,
You break your day
Thank Others for making your day
Dont Blame others for Breaking your Day

You make your Life , You break your Life ............. Lets go and Make our Life .........

Things that were happening in lot of my friends lifes and all the things I hear about from them ...... I just wanted to say to all "You make your Life , You break your Life" ..... Didnt tell to any one , dont Know why ...... Its always easy to say difficult to practise and I try to
put this principle in action and Iam happy doing this .......... "You make your Day , You Break your Day ......."

Things I need to compulsarily during week end
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1) Clean my Shoes , use fevi quick to pmend my shoe , wash the pair of socks .....

2) Get money from Pranav .... Pay the credit card bill ........

3) Book my tickets for Going Home ........

4) SHift some parts of my luggage to my new House ..........

5) Buy a Pair of Dress , (Great Decision Made ) , But confuse on what to Buy and where to Buy , Should I buy a formals , or Casuals , A Jean or a Cargo , Again same yellow & Black combination or something different , Should I buy in Bangaolore central or Globus , Formals Iam not
used to so I should by a formal ... No u idiot u cant take care of ur clothes buy some thing that cant get noticed even if its dirty ..... ha ha SOme body help me out ..... Oh God I have do it this week end as my mom expects me to always wear new dreesses and change the dresses the
way heros change in Movies ..........

.... Just saw a good looking girl pass by near the cubicle and it erased all that was there in the mind .... so stopping my post here .......Lets go and Make our Day .......